Is Dating Hard in Japan?

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Europe doesnt have just one ethnic group. I live in the US and am currently dating a Japanese guy who lives in Nagoya!

4 Common Problems when Dating Japanese Men » Zooming Japan

It is commonly believed that dating in Japan is easy for non-Asian particularly white men and hard for women. I came across , a German girl living in Japan, writing about dating in Japan as a foreigner. She expresses this view. A lot of people who commented actually disagree with her. On the other hand, girls tend to agree with her. If you are in a foreign country with a completely different culture, it is logical that you might have a hard time dating. Dating often involves a lot of hidden rules and non-verbal cues. These are not the kind of thing you learn in your language textbooks. However, there are many people who are successful at dating in Japan. Many people provided counter-examples in the comments. My personal experience also tells me that dating in Japan is completely feasible and a lot of my friends seem to be doing OK with dating here. Then the real question is this: what is the difference between successful and unsuccessful people? Fortunately, thanks to zoomingjapan, I have a good sample of comments on this. He might be judging Japanese women based on his cultural values without taking into account the Japanese context. He might just not be compatible with the majority of Japanese girls. I am less judgemental now because I realise that I might simply have had a differently way of measuring maturity. Helpless cute girl I have noticed that cute girls tend to be quite bad at approaching guys. In short, they lack practice. Where are you from? What do you do? Isabel, a German girl who has been living in Japan for about half a year, is a good example. She is studying computer science and surrounded by a lot of guys. Despite that, she is having difficulties with dating. I made him a Bento, baked a cake for him and organized a super-fun birthday party for him a few weeks ago. Because it was his birthday I decided to go for a final attack and made a personal present for him. How I fell in love with him and about all the things I like about him. Every page had about 2 or 3 sentences in English and Japanese and a drawing. There was also one page with a drawing of his face. The book ended with telling him that I was still willing to date him even though he turned me down with this obvious excuse of working in the same team. It scared the hell out of him. I can easily guess what was going on in his mind. Hopefully it will stop as time goes by. Maybe we can just be friends? The ending was sad but predictable. But such an emotionally loaded gift would only work if he was already madly in love with her. But, as someone who has supposedly more experience in dating, she should have realised that she was doing everything wrong. Some girls figure out Japanese guys Some girls seem to figure out Japanese guys well. She mentions some interesting things. They are generally not affectionate at least in public , they are typically shy, and they work a lot. But, there are plenty out there that are interested. This is a minor detail but I believe paying attention to details eventually makes you very good at understanding a given culture. Apparently, that was what she did. Figuring out subtle cultural cues is, of course, not always easy. A German guy talks about his German female friend who failed to understand signs from a Japanese guy. Some girls who think that guys are not interested in them simply fail to detect the signs coming from guys. I would advise girls to be gentle and not necessarily pursue the man of their interest, but make him do the first step. It worked out for me. Contrary to what people believe, Japanese people do express their feelings. Japanese TV drama, films, novels and manga often depict silent expressions of love and gratitude. Needless to say, people have no problem understanding these subtle ways. Some Japanese people do prefer a more expressive communication style, and they tend to date non-Asian people. She does admit that she likes how Latino and Mediterranean men are warm, passionate, romantic and affectionate type of men, even more than other Westerners such as Americans or Nordic people. She is getting what she believes is hard to get from Japanese guys from her Mexican boyfriend. Multicultural background I know a lot of people who are successfully dating Japanese guys and girls. Many of them have mixed parents or speak more than two languages. I found a similar tendency in the blog comments. Their behaviour is just, of course, influenced by their culture, where it is considered inappropriate or embarrassing to show your feelings for another person so directly. I might just be cherry-picking examples. My personal experience is quite biased since I tend to make friends with culturally open people; most of the friends I have in Japan are very open-minded as opposed to ethnocentric which, I believe, most of the people on earth are. Let me know what you think. I have a similar impression. While there might be a few girls who lower their guard for white guys, they remain a small percentage of the whole Japanese female population. Most importantly, they are not necessarily the kind of girls you want to have a relationship with. But a lot of western guys I know are not having a particularly easy time in Japan. So, is dating hard in Japan? Dating in Japan can be a bit harder, compared to a more socially open country, because Japanese people tend to be reserved and cautious with strangers. Every time I go to North America or Europe, I notice how easy it is to talk to random people. If it feels harder to date in Japan, maybe it really is. From my experience, simplified workflows of dating western and Japanese women would be like this. Mind you, there are many exceptions so this is by no means definite. Dating Japanese people requires a few extra steps. For example, some girls prefer hanging out in a group before going on a real date with you. I remember this girl I met at a party. She was nice and rather cute so I asked her out a few days after. She replied by saying that she would prefer hanging out in a group with her friends first to get to know me. Fortunately, not all Japanese girls are like that, but I definitely feel that Japanese girls generally need more time. People can be quite cautious of strangers here. This might be the reason why western-style online dating has never been really huge in Japan. Overall, you have a much better chance of meeting someone through your friends or acquaintances than hitting on random people in public. In fact, there are many ways to meet people in Japan and it gets easier once you learn how. I know plenty of westerners and other foreigners in Japan who have good relationships with Japanese people. I can easily think of white, black, South Asian, Latin American, European and African people who date Japanese guys and girls. If you are interested in sex in Japan, I would recommend my new book. But if I can agree the surface, I can't agree the bigger picture. Note that this is just an opinion, based on my experience, observation and the collection of other people's experience. Japan is no exception. Let me explain my point. I am a strong disbeliever of any cultural explanations. I don't think Japan has a thing that make its people a different brand. Neither is Europe, or America… I assume, and my idea has been proven right 100% of the time so far, that the same proportion of humanity is outgoing, or shy, talkative, interesting or boring, silent… and lets be honest, cute or less cute or handsome , clever or less clever. Being Japanese, or Chinese, or French, doesn't make a big difference. And fact are that dating is first and foremost the meeting of two creature with good communication or a common goal, in other word: something in common, or a way to build something in common. What's make Japan MAYBE harder is that society is organized and favored behavior that does not favor easy dating. And then we can find most of the elements you've rightfully mentioned : — work a lot is not a good starting point for dating — and many dates are actually people met thru work, or introduced by co-workers… — communication is less expressive more subtle — that's how the social work is working. It is not Japanese are shy, it is that acting bluntly will make them look like barbarians! How deep such behavior is then interriorized depends on people… Sure it creates a barrier to those of more direct society. Or at least, some of them… But isn't the same in any hyper urban societies? Japanese or not, in Japan or not. And overall, dating is like searching your lost home keys… They are always in the last place you searched, by definition! You'll complain while searching, you don't care anymore once you found. But then the question will be this: how much is your personality nature and nurture? Identical twins are known to develop different personalities depending on the environment they grow up in. They may share some common traits, their personalities won't be exactly the same. Nurture does affect your personality. Also, different cultures have different sets of social rules. When you go to a grocery store in France, you are expected to say 'bonjour'. Failing to do this will be seen as rude and antisocial. In Japan, this is not necessary. There are numerous hidden rules like this in different cultures and not understanding them make it harder for you to deal with local people. If you are from a culture similar to Japan, your dating life won't be that much different. However, if your cultural values are very different, you are likely to have a harder time. It is more realistic to say that it's your innate personality tendency AND culture that affect your dating life. It's neither 'completely nature' nor 'completely nurture'. You've got a great site here, and I think you and I are addressing many of the same issues related to living in Japan. I look forward to reading more of your stuff. Feel free to drop me a comment on my site as well. Europe doesnt have just one ethnic group. And besides small differences due to background they generally conform to the larger culture. I'm a Black Jamaican and Black Jamaicans are very different from Black Germans. Their personal culture is that of Germany. They're Germans who just happen to be of African descent. I assume it is the same for Africans and blacks, or African-Americans. This is because they don't normally use the terms blacks or whites to describe themselves but since we I am African-American btw uses these to describe ourselves, that's just what is used now. I am a western woman and I strongly dislike that you seem to think you can just meet me and then ask me out. This is one of the creepiest things Japanese guys do. Just approach me and without knowing anything about me say they want to date me. And FYI dating in Japan is very difficult for western women, I am one and I talk with many many others and it is an often lamented fact. The how's and whys would take forever to explain but it is what it is. I stay here for my job which I love and my lifestyle but have totally written off ever dating a Japanese man after the nightmarish past six years! I have a question: do you dislike being approached regardless of the way men approach you? Or maybe you don't like to be approached only by certain types of men? I think it's party selection bias. I know a lot of western women who don't have any difficulty dating in Japan. I interviewed a lot of them for my book, so I know their stories in detail. Maybe western women you know are more comfortable with hanging out with other western people, while the ones I know tend to socialise with more diverse people, including Japanese guys? It's just my guess though. Let me know what you think! Although I'd definitely have more luck at home, dating in Japan has been pretty easy for me. Shit right now I'm seeing four different women and the only real thing holding me back is time and money. My biggest piece of advice is learn the language and just start putting yourself out there. Just like everything in life those who put in the time in energy are those that come out ahead. If you think that occasionally showing up at the local foreigner bar with your dorky white friends is enough to land you a girlfriend, you may be waiting a while. Because understanding such a problem might lend itself more to people that grew up in multiracial or multicultural environments, where it's easier for them to see the different perspectives. What are effective dating strategies for Japanese men, won't usually work for foreign men or foreign women. In Japan, each group has to play their hand differently. Japan isn't, so arguably you have to play the game very differently. Which can make it very hard, if you are say a Japanese guy trying to figure out how Vietnamese guys, American Black guys, or French White guys can be successful in dating with Japanese women. The common politically correct or Cinderella fantasy advice often doesn't apply. Men still want to be in charge, still want a pretty tophy wife and don't want to listen to loud opinionated women. For women from Denmark or Germany or countries where women are pretty much upfront, it becomes hard to see a Japanese man expecting her to do home chores and not work but stay home once married. Some American women are still old fashioned in traditions and accept some of the ridiculous demands put by some Japanese men. When this man said Japanese women are childish it is exactly what I mean with them still living a social patriarchy. Women there behave child like as in a cute manner and pretending to be sweet and innocent because that's what is attractive for Japanese men, the whole beibg fragile, vulnerable-like is a virtue and continues to be sought for in Japan, men want someone who they feel they must protect and women do play this game. It's their social norm and their culture. There are a lot of things in Japan that wouldn't be accepted in Europe and would be decried by women. Japan is a patriarchy and Western Europe is feminst favouring women in many cases so the behavioral norms and ways clashes a lot. This is something a lot of foreigners don't think about when being in Japan. America is is still not full blown feminist like Western Europe which doesn't make me surprise if some women give up their careers to be home stay mom to a little toddler.

DateinAsia suffers from a boat load of inactive profiles, users that spam you or try to con you so that they can make a quick buck. None of these features lead to conversation, unless of course one of you upgrades to Gold or Platinum. For example, some girls prefer hanging out in a group before going on a real date with you. There was no real sexual revolution with women burning their bras and demanding that they be able to sleep around freely without judgement. But then again, they got it coming. The question is, Are they wearing them to correct their vision, or just to make themselves more attractive. Once you do bite the bullet and pay, you are well rewarded, with Instant Messaging, audio, and even video chat available to you. Some American women are still old fashioned in traditions and accept some japan dating facebook the ridiculous demands put by some Japanese men. Copyright 2001 - 2014 Mi Marketing Pty Ltd.